My Bedroom Examen: Praying in the messy reality of my bedroom.

There are times, when I wouldn’t want anyone to examine my bedroom too closely. Things are fired everywhere, especially after a late night out, or towards the end of a busy week. When renting with others in shared accommodation, the bedroom becomes your space, your place, that corner that belongs to you alone, where all bits and pieces of your life get poured.

It was in this context - a slightly disordered room that I settled to pray the other morning. That I would slip into the Ignatian Examen style of prayer was not planned. But, despite myself, that is what happened. The Examen is a sort of consciousness exercise which helps to sensitize a person to God’s presence in the small things and encounters, riches and travails of everyday life.   

Settling into silence, I found myself glancing slowly around the room. Eyes settled first on the post cards and photos stuck on the back of the bedroom door. They drew a smile. They are a simple reminder of all the love I’ve experienced. Photos of Ionuts and Marianne, two little children living with HIV/AIDS are constant beacons of hope and resilience in my life.

Then, there’s my postcard of an old rusty gate given by a friend. I thanked God for friends who can guess what a picture of an old rusty gate might evoke in me.  That old gate, reminded me of another one, in Patrick Kavanagh’s ‘An address to an old wooden gate’ beautiful and raw. My eyes found the book sitting sideways in the corner of my room. What a gift to be able to read such beautiful things I thought, to be able to read at all.

Then, there were clothes strewn on the back of the chair. The colours and choice whispered ‘privilege’ when I stopped to notice them in that light. To one side was a box, that used to contain the goose down duvet that splashed out on last year! I treasure that duvet and the restful sleep and comfort it brings so much. Contemplating all these things, I thanked God for creativity and comfort, choice and warmth, and the freedom of expression that is mine.

The bunch of keys sitting on the dresser, were a symbol of belonging, purpose and responsibility. I thanked God for all, it cannot be taken for granted.

Then a small pile of old newspapers on the floor commanded attention. I have not yet read them, and probably never will. Why hold on to them then? They are, the smallest and most insidious of burdens. A symbol of things left undone maybe or some un-adressed fear? I knew there was some truth in that fleeting feeling, and asked God to cast some light on my understanding!

Daylight peeked in through the partially opened curtains that morning. Why I wondered, had I not opened them wide and welcome it in, rather than force it to negotiate the twists and turns of the curtain folds?  Let me not ever take daylight for granted, I thought.

Moving beyond the window, a range of articles and books on the bed side locker symbolised different pre occupations, desires and stages of growth. When I stopped in this space, to acknowledge them, I was curious to notice some of the feeling evoked in me. In this awareness, theses feelings, might there be a message from God?

I finished this meander through my room and thanked God for the enthusiasm for life and learning that it expressed. There are many, who have no room of their own to pray with, no bed of their own to pray at, on, or in!

Finally, my eyes settled on the lit candle and the hope and anxieties for the day ahead. What meetings and activities are planned? That phone call I dreaded making, anxiety amidst everything to give enough time to the random caller. Those bills to query, and ultimately to pay! I register all sorts of concerns and preoccupations knowing that God seeks to find expression through me, in all that I am and do. I leave the bedroom to embrace the day, wholly satisfied by the surprising ‘conversation’ I had with God through the shapes, shadows, and sentiments found there on that particular morning.